Tuesday, January 29, 2013

here's my schedule

Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and the occasional Friday
5:35-6:35 Get up, get ready, get monster, leave the house.
7-3:30 Work.
3:45-5:30 Play with monster, make supper, eat supper, clean up kitchen.
5:30-6:30 Play with monster.
6:30-7 Bath, milk, bed.
7:15-9 TV time/me time/hubby time/me and hubby time.
9-10 Unwind (should I start doing goodnight yoga???), read, lights out.

most Wednesdays
6:30 Get up, get monster, breakfast.
8-9 ECSE teacher and/or PT.
9:15-11:30 run errands, play, make lunch.
11:45-12:30 eat lunch with monster.
1-3 nap(i wish)/quiet time.
3:15-5:30 Play with monster, make supper, eat supper, clean up kitchen.
5:30-6:30 Play with monster.
6:30-7 Bath, milk, bed for monster.
7-9 TV time/me time/hubby time/me and hubby time.
9-10 Unwind, read, lights out.

Oy. Where do I fit in the workouts? I do not have access to a gym with childcare (that would be nice) nor do I have a lot of time where hubby is not occupied by either work, class, or homework. There are 2 shows i watch during the week and hate to miss, plus working out at night just makes me stay up later... I told you i had excuses for everything. Plus, i have a hard enough time fitting in the cleaning of the house. what am i going to do? I need to work on this... let the googling/blog searching commence.

Monday, January 28, 2013

what am i getting myself into?

I don't know if i can handle it. 2 kids really? and a newborn with a 2 year old who is delayed? oy. really? I may have to figure out how to ask for help and to rely on others just a little bit more than i am now.

Most days right now I can handle it with monster. the only thing that really frustrates me so much that I lose it is feeding her. She can't feed herself and doesn't always want to eat the things I give her. I don't like being one of those moms who feeds her only junk because i know she'll eat it, i want to feed her healthy things too. moderation is key right? but if she won't eat it and doesn't understand that if she doesn't eat this then she doesn't eat anything and that just makes it doubly worse for me when she won't sleep and is crying and hungry but doesn't know it. augh. I'm giving myself a panic attack just writing this.

so, can i handle this a year from now with a newborn???

was this whole having another kid now instead of waiting a good idea? Or should i wait another year?

but then there's this whole problem of baby fever. my best friend is due soon and she's so damn cute. Plus at least 4 of my blog-friends (can i call them friends if they don't know i exist?) are having babies between now and this summer. That's a whole lot of baby talk. :-) Not to mention all those people who ask, are you done having kids? Gonna get started on #2 soon? etc... AUGH!!!

it's okay. it's okay. Take a deep breath. breathe. ahhhh. whoosa (bad boys II anybody?)

Thursday, January 24, 2013

i want to be a runner

I want to be a runner. I do. I want the endorphins,  the runner's high, the love of getting out there, the competition and fun of races, the community of people, and really, the health benefits and stress reduction would probably not be a bad thing either.

but, I hate it. I do. I hate the running part of it. I am not built for running. I have short legs and no stamina. I can't breathe correctly, is it in the mouth, out the nose, in the nose, out the mouth? I always get confused. Not to mention I don't know how to get on a correct path. My legs and arms won't work together and I always feel like I'm going to trip.

I suppose I could always do the Couch to 5K program, but even jogging for 1 minute seems daunting. I know that when I tried to do it last year, I ended up not sticking with it. But, that was after a failed attempt at jogging for 1 minute. ugh.

I don't know what it is about me but I always have an excuse, see above. I should probably just make myself do it for a while until either i end up loving it and wanting to do it or until at least it becomes routine enough to  not totally suck. that happens right? Plus I think an hour to myself listening to music (and actually showering lol) every other day would be beneficial for my anxiety/frustration/stress. Not to mention my mood and JT's and monster's (even though she doesn't know it). happy mama, happy baby. happy wife, happy life. right, right? tell me that's right, please.

Anybody have any idea how to motivate yourself just to start and keep with a running plan? Help!

Gonna link up to thedomesticwannabe's move it monday for the first time!!

Monday, January 21, 2013

mothering a girl...

I worry about having a girl. I worry about being a mother to a girl. How do I make sure she is happy, well-adjusted, healthy, and good?

I do lots of psychologist reports at work, lots of girls who are depressed, suicidal, cutters. It scares me. How do I help my daughter if she is feeling that way? What if I don't even notice? How do I facilitate a good relationship with her where she will talk to me about things, things that I never talked to my own mother about? Sex, drugs, alcohol, depression, boys, peers/friends??

I feel like I would be "cooler" than my own mother based on the time that I grew up. I don't feel that I would be hard to talk to or too "judge-y." But, I don't know.

How do I help her establish a good routine for self care and organization/cleaning up her own room/house, if I don't have one? And what about self esteem/weight issues/exercise/healthy eating? Those things for me are hard, so how do I pass on to her the right way to do things?

Monday, January 14, 2013


A couple of years ago, specifically 2009, there was this show on ABC. FlashForward. Anybody remember this show? We had just moved back to Minnesota from Arizona and started watching it. It was about a global blackout and the effects it had. We got hooked for a while, then the show took a mid-season break and we never got back to watching the show. I think it was because we both started working the evening shift. Anyway, we recently got Netflix and lo and behold, FlashForward is on it! Woo to the hoo. We started watching it again and again, we got hooked. What an interesting concept... We have a couple episodes left of the show and I'm really curious to see how it ends.

Oh, it's also a book so I'm thinking that will be one of my next reads.

What do you watch? Any hook-worthy shows? And what about books?

Friday, January 4, 2013

Year in Review 2012

Here we go! I just love doing these, lame i know. See last year's review here.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before? Cared for a child with special needs.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? About half and half. See my explanation here. And yes, I will always make resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you have a child? My Kate and Tanya.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No? 

5. Where did you travel? Duluth, Twin Cities, Beloit IL, Madison WI, Monmouth IL, Rochester MN, New London MN.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? A job I enjoy. Same answer as last year. 

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory? Jan 3, back to work. Feb 15, monster's genetics appt. Feb 22, monster's MRI. March 17, monster's baptism. July 18, monster's going to be just fine/genetics appt. Sept 9, started working with ECSE again. Oct 14, monster's first birthday.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Interviewing for supervisor position (though I did not get it, the interview itself was huge for me).

9. What was your biggest failure? Not getting in any kind of good health.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? PPD and PPA.

11. What was the best thing you bought? blocks for the fire pit (that we hardly used).

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Every time monster mastered/s a new skill was/is celebrated.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Most people on social media who did not think before typing.

14. Where did most of your money go? Mortgage, bills, medical bills, monster.

15. What did you get really excited about? Traveling, new baby nephew, Liz's pregnancy. 

16. What song will always remind you of 2012? Overwhelmed by Tim McMorris (song from that Sam Adams commercial). Adele's Set Fire to the Rain.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder?b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? a) happier. b) same. c) poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Me time. Dates with JT. Getting babysitters!!! 

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worry/being mad.

20. Did you fall in love in 2012? No more than usual.

21. What was your favorite TV program? How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang.

22. What was the best book you read? I think The American Wife was pretty good.

23. What was your greatest musical discovery? Adele (I'm a little behind the bandwagon with music usually).

24. What did you want and get? A trip for our Anniversary.

25. What did you want and not get? A baby who sleeps through the night consistently. 

26. What was your favorite film of this year? Honestly, I can't remember what I saw. How's that for sad?

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? We went to Mayo Clinic for monster's MRI follow up and ate dinner at Red Lobster. My mom made me a cake as well. I turned 29. 

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More sleep. Less worry/anxiety.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012? Ha.ha.ha.ha.ha. I got my first pair of skinny jeans, does that count?

30. What kept you sane? Reading.

31. Who was the best new person you met? My new blog friends!!

32. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012? Babies will do things on their own time, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise. And everyone will tell you this, so you'd be best to just believe it. 

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Self-discussion and conversation

I think I have finally convinced myself that 2 children is going to be the max for our family. Somewhere in my heart of hearts, i still have a small burning desire for a 3rd kid, (which may surprise those who knew me before monster) and I sometimes wish that I could convince JT as well. Logistically and financially, and probably emotionally, I think that 2 is good enough. Whenever I picture the future with my family I don't really see 3 kids. 4 people seems like such a "perfect" number. 2 kids, 2 parents. equal. easy to divide portions. lol.

I'm pretty sure that I have also convinced JT to want to do it again sooner than later as well. We're going on vacation (hopefully) in March, so I think after that we can start trying. Weird to plan it out since our first was not planned, exactly. So do it now, get it over with, and then things will go up from here. yay. I'm not looking forward to being pregnant since the last time sucked SO much and I think I may be just a little bit baby feverish since Liz's baby shower... but i am also a tad bit excited. Especially if I get my way and have a baby in December. And, a little girl... or a baby boy... too hard to decide which I "want" more. A girl because then monster will have a sister (which i never had) and we already have all the girl stuff and sharing a room will be easy (plus girl stuff is fun!) or a boy because then JT will have someone to boy-around with, do all those kinds of things, i hear great things about being a boy-mom, and 1 of each = "perfect" again...

January 7...P.S. seems like since we decided this, JT has lost what little patience he had with monster. Either that or monster decided she doesn't want a sibling and is pushing the limits around here. Actually, it's probably both and not to mention, shes only 14 months old, so she's just acting her age. oh what the future may have in store for us!!!