Last night was one of those nights where I didn't know I was sleeping until I woke up. It felt like I stared at the ceiling, trying to fall asleep for hours.
I did sleep pretty well from about 10:15 until 2:15 when the monster woke up. But from the time of 2:30 to 4, it felt like i didn't sleep at all. I must have though because I was awakened by a certain kitty cat to let her out of the room.
From 4-5:45, i tossed and turned, arousing only when my alarm went off at 5:45. Man I hate waking up early. Today I am totally dragging, unable to keep my eyes open and my productivity is severely lacking.
Do you ever have days like this? Any secrets to stay awake?
Parenting is a like a never-ending competition (even if you're not consciously competing against anyone else, it's there. Trust me.) with
yourself, with your baby's other parent, with your own siblings, with
your friends, and with people you've never even met.
I was going to be
the breastfeeding champion before monster was born. I was totally convinced of
it. I bought into the thought that every kid could breastfeed and every woman
as well. If you didn't, or couldn't, you weren't good enough. Turns out my kid
wouldn't/couldn't and therefore, in my head, I wasn't good enough. I don't know
if I've actually let that go yet and it's over a year later now...
When monster was
brand new, I thought I was so much better than my husband at feeding/getting
her to sleep/getting her to stop crying. Of course, I was better I was the mom!
He was just some guy who didn't have any little kid experience, right? Well of course,
I'm not better/was not better than him, just a little more experienced. It
evens out in the end.
I remember before
kids thinking about my brother's kid and hoping against hope that my kid
wouldn't end up like that, spoiled, bratty, throwing tantrums, etc. I realize
now it's not his fault, my brother or his kid, but then I always thought... oh
you suck at this. I'm going to be so much better than you. Or maybe that's just
part of longstanding sibling rivalry, but that's a whole other subject.
My other brother's
kid now is doing things any average kid his age would do, but
sooner/faster/better than my monster and I can't help but think it's not fair
and I'm jealous. I asked, curious about what the little guy was doing
and then felt bad once I found out. Again, not my brother's or his kid's fault,
just a product of bad luck with genetics for my kid. It was especially bad
overhearing him tell the same information, in more detail, to someone else. I
want to cry just thinking about it now. With friends, I try so hard not to get caught up in the competition, but I can't help it. My friend's little girl is just a bit older than monster, but advanced for her age and has older siblings to keep up with... it sucks watching her do all the things that my kid should be doing. Plus it really sucks to hear a friend say how good my kid is doing when she really knows nothing about the situation other than the bare minimum. I also really hate the sleeping competition. Some kids sleep all night from birth and mine doesn't. BAH! Others eat terrific and mine doesn't. I hate it. Go away jealousy! But for me, the hardest thing is with people i don't even know. Every mom-blog I read, every story I hear from a co-worker, every single post on forums... my kid is so much better than your kid because of X, Y, Z.
i was asked to describe my day today... i've never really done that before. in my dayin thelifeposts i'm pretty general, we ate, played, slept, etc., but today K wanted to know details about what we do. i've decided its kind of like having an infant for 2 years. this is my normal but it's a lot more than other moms with kids her age have to do. here goes.
monster is 17 months old but at the development age of about an 8-9 month old (not really sure).
get up, either she's awake and just chilling out or crying/screaming, depends on the day. change diaper, lots of squirmy rolling, wish i had more hands. get dressed, same as diaper.
get ready to go, get in car, drive to daycare, drop off with granpat, i go to work.
or on days i'm home, have breakfast which consists of feeding her every bite and holding the bottle/cup (need to work more on the cup) for her while she squirms and practices chewing. she's just found her tongue and tries to push food around instead of eating it.
now comes playtime. while sitting, work on keeping legs bent and practicing using ab muscles. while lying, keep legs together so hips don't splay out. move toys across room to motivate and encourage her to move. try to encourage her to 4-point crawl instead of inchworm. try to get her to sit up from the side instead of using a W sit. put her in the stander (mama torture device) and entertain her while she practices standing. try to get her to weight bear while standing at couch/coffee table, no locked knees, stay upright, etc.
snack time. hold a bottle for her to drink and feed her bites of whatever we're having for a snack. messy.
more play time, see above. or run errands, at least she likes the car and is pretty good on the go.
lunch time, same as snack/breakfast. frustrating for mama.
nap time. rock her to sleep because i feel she sleeps better when i do that (and i like to snuggle). she'll fight, cry, and twist around but eventually fall asleep. naps last anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours on a good day.
playtime with daddy.
or on work days, get picked up from daycare and then playtime with daddy.
suppertime. frustration again. see above.
playtime/bath time. need more hands while in the tub. water + not steady sitter = slippery, dangerous baby. she likes to splash, though is kind of spazzy with her arms.
bedtime snack. usually just some milk. hold bottle for her and snuggle like a newborn.
bedtime. rock to sleep after reading books and saying goodnight.
sleep through the night?? maybe someday.
this girl is a lot of work. let me tell you. i feel very much like the worst mom in the world some days because i just don't have the time/energy to make sure she's getting all the help/therapy/manipulating that she needs to learn and grow while trying to keep up with work, housework, my husband, and my sanity.
My poor monster has been teething pretty much nonstop since June of last year when she got her first tooth. Why did they make teething so crappy? I know she won't remember it, but I DO!! You'd think there would have to be a better way of doing it... same goes for actually having the baby, but I digress.
So, I've been watching poor baby in pain and unhappy, making life miserable for everybody and no one getting through a full night's sleep in months... I finally decided something had to be done. I've jumped on the amber teething necklace bandwagon after finding other mom-bloggers reviews from Heather and AP.
One day in to this hippie, crunchy-granola, trip but if it works, I'm sold on it. I'll keep you posted.
PS. Oh yeah, my week off last week was awesome until I came back to find out mandatory OT at work for the unforeseeable future. way to ruin a spring break buzz!
know how some days everything just seems to go wrong all day? You wake up late,
it's raining, your clothes don't fit right, you hate your job, your kid is
being crabby, your husband is being less than understanding, and you feel like
you could just curl up under a rock and be okay with it... yeah, that's how
I've been feeling for the last month or so. Every day seems worse than the
last. I need a break from my life and how much I feel that I hate it. Because I
do. Every day I hate everything about my life, every single thing. My job, my
weight, my clothes, my house. It’s just a never-ending cycle of hate and ick
lately and I can't seem to pull myself out of it.
But hopefully, tomorrow and the rest of the week, I will be pulled out of it as I take a break. A break from my house, my kid, my job, the weather, and everything that I hate lately. This break is very much
needed and I hope it will be helpful enough to stop my downslide and give a restart to my life back home. So bring it on. Bring on the sun, warm temperatures, and smiling faces (mine mostly). I can't wait and I really need it.
When I want lasagna, I am usually too lazy to do all that is involved for a really good tasting lasagna. Instead I fake it. Boil some noodles, make some sauce, add cheese. Bake and voila! Fake lasagna. PS lasagna must be on the brain in the blog-world because I've seen a few variations lately, like lasagna soup and ravioli lasagna. yum.
Caitlin's Fake out Lasagna
1 box pasta (any shape, I like bow ties or penne)
1 jar spaghetti sauce
1 pound ground turkey
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
2 teaspoons Italian seasoning
2 cups of shredded mozzarella cheese, divided (I've also used Colby jack or Mexican blend)
Preheat oven to 350*. Boil a large pot of water for pasta. Cook pasta to al dente. Drain.
Brown ground turkey and season with garlic powder, onion powder, and Italian seasoning. When meat is no longer pink add jar of sauce and simmer to heat through.
Prepare a baking pan with a light layer of sauce and a handful of cheese sprinkled over it. Add egg to pasta and stir to combine. Pour pasta into baking pan and cover with sauce. Top with cheese.
Bake for up to 30 minutes, depending on how "done" you like the cheese on top. I like really brown cheese.