Emotional much?

Geez. It seems like I'm a very emotional shell of myself lately. For example, something JT said on Thursday had me burst into tears and then on Saturday, I totally teared up watching the babies/kids at the race. Of course, anytime I'm thinking about monster and the future or the present, it makes me want to cry/scream/get pissed. Other than that, I'm abnormally crabby. It's spring time, the snow is gone, the sun is out, and I want to be happy! I hate hormones.

Makes me suspect I might be knocked up... oh, wouldn't that be an interesting turn of events? I don't know if I want to be happy or unhappy about it. Want another kiddo. Not sure if now is a good time. blagh! Total problems over here, right?


May 4

What's wrong with me? I think I'm knocked up, but I keep ignoring it, almost hoping it will go away... I know it won't but I think I'm irrational. I want this and still I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and like I'm not sure.

Day in the life

Thanks to Laura at Navigating the Mothership, for another Day in the Life.


Friday, April 26, 2013

Today is a weird today, half day at work and then up to the cities to get ready for tomorrow, when JT runs the Get in Gear 10K.

6-6:45 -- Get up, get ready, pack lunch, practice selfies, go to work.

 7-11 -- Work, work, work.

 
11-2 -- Run errands, pack, eat lunch, load up car, drive to cities.

2-4 -- Hang out in hotel room and wait for friend to arrive.

4-6:30 -- Go to Minnehaha Park to pick up packets for race tomorrow, traffic, have dinner with friend.

6:30-9:30 -- Monster gets ready for bed, goes to sleep. I shower and search for vending machines in hotel. read blogs and Then goodnight.

It's Kitty Friday!

Winnie

Sebastian

timing off again?

Every time I look in the mirror as I walk into the bathroom or walk by the full length windows and see my reflection, all I can think is gross. I have let myself get so out of shape/overweight that I don't really like myself very much. This is why we don't have any full length mirrors in my house. The more that I feel like this, the more it makes me want to eat shitty-- not motivate me to do better, move more. Who am I kidding?

Now I think that maybe the timing is off for a baby. I'm having second thoughts. Maybe I should try to lose some weight and get in better shape before getting knocked up. Maybe I should try to take care of myself better instead of focusing on another little person. Maybe I just need some me time off meds? I don't know.

No point to this rambling. No decision has been reached. Maybe if it's not this month, I should put it off for a year or so?  I don't know. It's been feeling like a competition in my head... get pregnant with second baby before too much longer so I get it over with... It seems silly today. we should wait until the timing is right. but then again, is the timing really ever right?

but i'm lazy

Clean eating definitely intrigues me. It seems like a good idea to cut out the overly processed foods and only eat fresh, healthy, with ingredients that I can pronounce foods. However, some days I'm just too lazy or "short on time" (insert some other excuse here) to do it.

Let's take a look a day in my eats and see how I could have done differently.

	What I Ate	What I could/should have eaten
Breakfast	Oatmeal with peanut butter and coffee	Oatmeal with egg whites or natural peanut butter and green tea
Snack	Apple Nutrigrain bar and Diet Pepsi	An apple with low-fat cheese or almonds and water
Lunch	Salad with black beans/tomatoes, light ranch dressing	Salad with black beans/tomatoes and balsamic with olive oil dressing
Snack	Fresh pineapple	Pineapple with grilled turkey or chicken
Supper	Garlic cheese bread and bacon cheeseburger pizza	Green salad with seasoned ground turkey and avocado
Dessert	Brownies	Homemade fudge Lara Bar

Ok, part of that day is okay but obviously I need to do some work. I know the principles of clean eating, eat protein with complex carbs and small amounts of healthy fat, eat 5-6 times during the day, drink lots of water, no processed food, low fat dairy, etc, etc. Really it just involves being prepared and prepping food for the week. Since I already sort of do that, all I have to do now is do it better. ha ha!

It's Kitty Friday!

Sebastian

Winnie

Monster is 18 months old

Dear Monster,

Well, we made it through 18 months now...

What are you doing right now? Compared to 6 months ago, A LOT. You are always on the move. You are more steady while sitting and can get up into a seated position by yourself. You tend to do it “the wrong way” but at least you are doing it. You like to keep your legs bent out instead of in and we really need to keep working on using your flexor muscles instead of extensor muscles. The W sit is becoming quite prevalent in our household and I don’t know how to stop you, other than just staying on top of you 24 hours a day... which isn’t possible. All I can do is try to fix your legs each time in hopes that one day it will click. You are inching along with crawling. A lot of the time you do a modified army crawl but at times you will do the “correct” reciprocal crawl. At any point, you do get where you want to go. We’re working on standing and have you in the stander and you don’t hate it. You can stand by yourself for like 5 seconds at the couch before toppling over, but have yet to actually pull yourself up. Though, you will kind of stand up if I am holding your hands. Still working with Katie, Emily, and Mary Jo through the school district and will be starting with PTS (Pediatric Therapy Services)  for the summertime.

You’ve got 9 teeth with 3 molars coming in right now. The amber teething necklace seems to be helping, at least I can’t imagine what life would be like without it.

You are a tall skinny girl, though not compared to the other kids your age. You wear 12-18 month pants for the length but 9 month for the waist and 12-18 month tops/onesies for the length. I swear you could wear some 9 month shorts and probably will once the summer actually shows up. I am just waiting for the days when I don’t have to try to keep your pants up. Maybe I should learn to sew and take in all the waists of your clothing?? Maybe. We got you your first real pair of shoes this last month, size 3 but they are still too big. Some of the soft-soled size 2 fit but others don’t because of your fat feet... just like mama. Still in size 3 diapers and I don’t see that changing any time soon, unless you hit a HUGE growth spurt in the next couple of months. Your 18-month well visit is next week, so I can find out your actual height and weight then.

Eating is as frustrating as ever since you aren’t feeding yourself or drinking by yourself yet. You drink whole milk out of the bottle just fine if we are holding it for you but if you drink from a different spout (not the bottle nipples), you forget how to swallow. Sometimes you will reach for food on your tray and eat it, but most often it just sits there or you smoosh it in your hand. If I help you bring your hand with food to your mouth, you kind of get the idea and will take a bite. I want to work on this specifically with PTS so that by the time you’re 2, you are feeding yourself! Your favorites are still sweets – just like mama, and oatmeal, grilled cheese, and buttered bread. I’m having a hard time finding things to feed to you and will be looking for advice/inspiration once we get started with PTS. I’m going to try the Baby Lead Weaning Cookbook, hoping that you are getting to the development where you can start to eat those kinds of foods. Let’s work hard for the next few months, okay Monster?

Sleeping is hit or miss. We rock you to sleep and you will fall asleep pretty well for naps/bedtime. However, once you wake up, you sometimes cannot fall back asleep and will either sit there awake in your crib for hours or just scream bloody murder. I never know what to do with you at that point. The easiest thing for all of us is to hold you until you fall asleep again and I know it’s not always the right idea. I think we may have to start sleep training/cry it out sooner than later, but really I just want you to sleep and when I put you down awake, awake you stay...

It seems like a lot to ask of you all at once, sleeping, eating, moving, thinking, learning... but I know you can do it and You will do it, in your own time. As frustrating as it is in the moment, when I look at the big picture, I really can see how much progress you have made in the last few months. And I know you will continue to do big things. Keep it up Monster! I love you.

Always and forever,

Mama

Fashion pet peeves

I'm not trendy nor particularly fashionable but I know what I like and what I don't like. Some things that I don't like continue to haunt me, even way back from high school.

Black and brown -- It may be a trend, and celebrities may be wearing it, but I still don't like it.

Navy and black -- Again, a popular thing to do, especially with black shoes and navy pants... but I just don't like it. I remember having this discussion with my dad and he asked what he should wear in place of the black shoes with his navy suit. I said brown... he just made a face. Ha! At least Liz was with me on this one.

Khaki and black -- Ask any of my friends from high school. I hated khaki and black, especially the dark khaki. I've grown to be okay with light khaki and black, but it has to be done right -- in my opinion.

White shoes and Black pants -- In high school, these shoes were really popular (totally dating myself here) and all the "popular girls" wore them with black pants. I never understood and therefore, never liked.

Black shoes and White socks -- Can you say Michael Jackson?

Brown and Gray -- this kid in high school wore a very nice gray dress pant with brown dress shoes and it just totally didn't go. They were a cool gray and the brown was really warm, kind of reddish. I didn't like it. Still don't.

It's Kitty Friday!

Winnie

Sebastian 

concerns...

I'm totally not pregnant but I do have some concerns about getting there/being pregnant again. I know every time is different but I HATED being pregnant. I don't even like the p-word and usually don't say it out loud. I find myself saying knocked up a lot.

I have a list of things to discuss with my doc should I ever need to... mostly being my weight/blood pressure/gestational diabetes/being on meds/anxiety and C section vs VBAC.

Oh yeah, another big one is genetics. Since Monster's genetic abnormality is de novo (new to her, not inherited) the chance of recurrence is low... but there is that chance. Maybe it's in the egg or sperm? Such invasive testing to find out now...

More about me!

just in case you were wondering...

What's for Breakfast?
On work days, I eat oatmeal with peanut butter and coffee or Diet Pepsi (sometimes both). On non-work days, usually eggs and toast. I just can't seem to convince myself to eat oatmeal at home, not sure why. Though if I had the capabilities, I would totally eat eggs at work. Go figure.

I love to read.
Give me a book, point me in the direction of a library or bookstore, leave me for an hour and you'll have a very happy girl.

I hate to exercise.
Enough said.

I'm Not trendy.
I am always late to jump on the bandwagon with trends. Case in point, hated ugg-type boots but now I've worn them almost every day for 3 years (in the winter). Skinny jeans... just couldn't bring myself to cram into them until this past fall, now I have 2 pairs. Maxi dresses... used to hate because I'm short and they're long, just bought one for Easter and I totally want to buy a couple more for the summer.

I'm easily grossed out.
I work in the medical field and you'd think that after all this time of being exposed to reports on gross bodily happenings, I would be used to it, right? Totally not. I just try to pretend the words I'm typing are different than what is being described. Also, pregnancy is creepy to me. Especially when I was pregnant and someone told me a story about their experience. UAGHs. gross. In the words of Hank Moody, "that's groddy Becca."


Inspired by the homes i have made...

It's Kitty Friday!

Winnie

Sebastian

feels like home to me...

browsing through my reader this morning, I came across a post from Kate. She usually has something interesting to say, especially when she's blogging from prompts like this one... where is home for you?

So I thought to myself, I want to do that too (feeling a bit teary after reading her post, can I still blame hormones?). Anyway, the first thing that came to mind was a song by Chantal Kreviazuk* from the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. So I was listening to this soundtrack a lot when husband and I first started going out and this song resonated with me, mostly because of the complications surrounding our relationship in the beginning (a story for another day), but the song lyrics made me think that yes, despite the crap, we should stay together because it was true.

"Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my lifeIf you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done"

And so, when Kate was talking about home being her husband and her kitties, this song came to mind and so did my hubby. Anywhere he is, and the monster, is home to me. As sappy as I may be, it's true and I'm okay with that. Man, here I go again... making myself tear up. What's the deal? I'm going to have to find this CD when I get home. That makes me feel old, a CD. haha. Do they still make CDs? And, do people still buy them?

*Just realized there is a Bonnie Raitt version of this song as well. I'll have to give it a listen.

our Easter weekend

Friday was so so nice outside. It actually felt like hope for spring. So we tried to take advantage of it by taking a walk after work. Monster was in the jogging strolling and JT and I walked. That stroller needs some help though. There is something wrong with the front wheel. I'm not sure exactly what. Maybe it's loose or something but it completely wobbles and won't stay locked. Hmm. Might need air in the tires as well.

Saturday we went out for lunch so JT could try a new brew from the brewery that was being tapped at a local pub. Of course the weather started to get crappy. Raining and windy but not too, too cold yet.

Easter was COLD. I was not dressed for winter, more like ready for spring and I was regretting it! But I did look cute. ha ha. Monster had a super cute outfit too, but the teething crazies struck and left her covered in drool. ugh. BTW does that ever stop? I feel like she's been drooling since she was born!

family picture.

monster in the basket