Every time I look in the mirror as I walk into the bathroom or walk by the full length windows and see my reflection, all I can think is gross. I have let myself get so out of shape/overweight that I don't really like myself very much. This is why we don't have any full length mirrors in my house. The more that I feel like this, the more it makes me want to eat shitty-- not motivate me to do better, move more. Who am I kidding?
Now I think that maybe the timing is off for a baby. I'm having second thoughts. Maybe I should try to lose some weight and get in better shape before getting knocked up. Maybe I should try to take care of myself better instead of focusing on another little person. Maybe I just need some me time off meds? I don't know.
No point to this rambling. No decision has been reached. Maybe if it's not this month, I should put it off for a year or so? I don't know. It's been feeling like a competition in my head... get pregnant with second baby before too much longer so I get it over with... It seems silly today. we should wait until the timing is right. but then again, is the timing really ever right?